Category Archives: relationships

I’ve never had a problem with moving on, but somehow I get stuck on the letting go.

“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.” – Dalai Lama

My sister sent this quote to me as I began writing this post and I couldn’t help but slyly smile when I read it, as we both know why she knew I needed to read it: I’ve never had a problem with moving on, but somehow I get stuck on the letting go.

Since I found out that I would be moving at the end of month, I’ve been carefully going through the abundance of things I’ve managed to collect, cram and store in my basement bachelor apartment over the last two and half years. In addition to being so surprised that I’ve been able to actually have the space I do amidst all these material items, I’ve also been frequently reminded of the wonderful memories of my time there.

Moving always has a way of reminding me of my past, based on old photographs, cards and other knick-knacks crammed at the back of desk drawers.  For me, this is a new beginning (albeit on the exact same street), as moving always is and provides me the chance to purge all the unnecessary clutter that perhaps most people do every year, during a Spring Cleaning. However, it’s not only a purging of material items, but of memories and a fresh start as well.

I move a day after I turn 29 and as I begin last twenty-something year, I’m very excited at what this year can bring into my life. After all the many reverent and fast changes I’ve been experiencing the last couple of years, I can only imagine what’s going to come next.

I feel so grown up (I would probably feel more grown up if I were purchasing my first home, but regardless) but for the first time, I don’t feel old which is something that my psyche would struggle with each passing birthday.

I don’t exactly remember where I thought I would be when I was 29, thinking about it when I was 19 – but I do know I’m not where I’d thought I’d be.  I think I’m somewhere better.

I’ve never been more grateful for my life, my life’s experiences and my surroundings than I’ve been this past year. Every day, I’m so grateful for living in this country, for the family I have, for the father who had a massive heart attack and was given two more years (and counting) on this earth with us, for my relationship with my sister, and new friends, old friends and acquaintances and everything I’ve learned while embarking on developing these relationships.

HeartSept25

Another major thing I’m grateful for: my past experiences with love. Yes, I’m still single, and yes, I’m still not upset about it. I feel strong and confident with my heart and sharing it with others, and that took a long time. It’s still a work in progress, but it’s there.

I’m not ashamed of feelings I have, had and have lost. It’s a process – it’s my process and this is the life I’m leading. I’ve been fortunate to experience a comforting love, it was comfortable and hesitant and yet it wasn’t for me. I’ve been fortunate to experience a love that was hectic, passionate and short lived, and yet it wasn’t for the other person.

Both experiences, humbling, made me that much more aware of the power of words and actions, and love. And making sure you’re careful and carefree with all three.

And that quote, above, although annoying to read at times because of its truthfulness, does provide great insight. After all, if you always got what you wanted, how would you ever grow, learn and experience?

thirteen

My dear anna salata, thirteen years later, I will continue to honour your memory, laugh at our good times, wonder who you’d be and what you’d be like now, and never forget painting your hospital room door and reading sweet valley high books aloud in character voices for you. Thank you for all the lessons…

the difference

It was this feeling of immense frustration and sadness, collectively boiling up inside me – I couldn’t think, I did not want to keep dancing and I definitely did not want another drink. Yet, there I stood – or danced – with my friends, amidst the hoopla of Pride last weekend, being offered small snacks…

just be.

Sometimes I find it hard to let things go. Now, I know those of you who know me are just shocked – SHOCKED – right? Emilia Farrace – holding on to the past? Unheard of. But it was brought to my attention this long Canada day weekend that I may be viewed as a person…

a little nostalgia

I’m on my flight on the way from Calgary to Toronto, and it’s weird, because four years ago, if I were on this similar plane ride, I’d be visiting Toronto instead of coming home to it. When you visit a place you used to live, there’s a sense of familiarity, nostalgia, and yet a distinct…